Like Solomon Said, It’s All Vanity

Do a casual internet search. It won’t take you long to learn that physical attractiveness is rarely the primary factor motivating a person to have an affair or to leave a relationship abruptly.

Why is it that we automatically ‘assume’ that a woman/man who breaks up someone else’s marriage must either some blonde bombshell or a hunky Adonis with a six-pack? It’s rarely the case.

Nope, it’s not looks most of the time. Rather, it’s more about how the affair partner makes the cheater feel about himself/herself that provides the bolus of narcissistic dope. It’s that ego boost of a potential source of narcissistic supply parked and idling in the background that helps them implode their marriages, relationships, and commitments.

Cheaters are often referred to as having ‘affaired down’. In other words, to the surprise of onlookers, they becoming involved with someone not as physically attractive as their current partners.

Hey Old friend! Nice To Hear From You. How Have You Been?

Something very humorous happened along to me the other day. It caused me to stop and acknowledge the vanity of my human nature, as well as the ridiculousness of my overactive imagination.

I had a nice surprise a few weeks ago when a male friend of the family contacted me. We’d not had any contact since the 80’s. This male friend is the younger brother of one of my gal pals from middle school in the midwest. Our mothers were good friends and she and I often slept over at each other’s homes. This girl’s brother (a couple of years younger than us) always seemed like a sweet little brother to me.

Core Dump

As old friends who haven’t seen each other in a while will do, we spent several hours on the phone catching up. We took turns sharing our stories.

We detailed the chronology of what we’ve been doing through the decades since we’d last seen each other. ‘Where’s so-and-so now?’… ‘Whatever happened to whats-her-name?’…‘When did your mom/dad pass away?’ etc.

At the end of the conversation, we agreed to send each other pictures since neither of us find much value in Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc. Both of us subscribe to the old school way of thinking, firmly believing that if people want to talk to us, they can pick up the phone and call us.

Picture This … My Casa, Picasa

Keeping with my promise, I sent him several pictures, each representing a different period of my life. For grins and giggles, I also included the picture of the woman standing by a boat, meant to represent ‘the woman my husband left me for’ that we’d talked about and who also is the subject of the post ‘Honey, He Has A Boat’ here on this site.

The appearance of woman in the picture surprises nearly everyone when they see it for the first time—with many of them gasping and remarking about her very manly-looking stance and stern facial expression.

After reviewing the various pictures, he sent back a number of nice comments. He expressed how great it had been talking to me, how it seemed just like old times and that (despite all the jokes we shared about our wrinkles, bags, and grey hair)—he thought I’d ‘aged gracefully’. Then, in his usual humorous way, he extracted a promise from me that I wouldn’t use his picture to ‘scare little children.

His sense of humor is one of the things that I absolutely adore about him. It always made our conversations so much fun— so light and breezy—with both of us quickly playing off each other’s other’s quick wit. When we get on a roll, we’re a bit like Laurel and Hardy, never able to figure out who’s on first.

A Man Of Few Words

I was still reading his first message, when I noticed that he’d sent another separate message. When I opened it, it simply said: “By the way … ‘Nice boat’.

I HOWLED with laughter! Using only those two words: ‘nice boat’, he’d found a way to make an editorial comment—all without actually making one.

Like all the rest of us, he too had been surprised that THIS was the woman that Runaway Romeo had chosen to Control+Alt+Delete the prior 30 years of his life for.


Important!  I want to stop right here and go on record as saying that I am NOT hinting that my male friend and I look any better than Runaway Romeo’s new woman, Boat Lady, because we do NOT! Like her, we’re also ‘of a certain age’. Like her, we also have some of the obvious imperfections that she has … wrinkles …. marionette lines around her mouth …. puffy bags under the eyes …  sags and bags, etc. 


Back At Ya

As we learn in anatomy and physiology, knee-jerk reactions do not go to the brain for interpretation. They just happen.

When I saw my little buddy’s short and sweet reply on The Other Woman’s picture and immediately intuited he meant, my humor monkey jumped into action—and it was on! With lightning speed, I HAD to send back this reply. [Note: To get the reference, keep in mind that my ex husband and my old friend both made their living in IT.]

This was my response to my little buddy’s ‘Nice boat’ commentary:

I know, right?
(Man rubbing his chin)
Hmmm … Current wife? … or access to an Evinrude? …
Thinking …
Loading choices into memory ….
Please wait …
(Blue Screen ) …
Windows encountered an unknown error …
Checking Disk …
Control-Alt-Delete …
Rebooting system …
Please wait ….
Please wait …
Please wait …
Cannot load operating system …
Drive not found …
Please insert key to start boat motor.

The Pot Can’t Call The Kettle Black

Being reminded of that ‘look-your-old-flame-from-high-school’ move that my ex pulled, I started on a new line of thinking.

Someone looking for me online might be hard pressed to locate me since I keep a relatively low profile these days. I’ve pretty much let profiles from my past life languish into obscurity.

Then, I remembered the ad I’d done.

Say Cheese

Not to pat myself on the back, people have told me that I am very photogenic for an ‘old girl’.

Not long ago, I was approached by a local senior citizen magazine about doing a human interest piece about older women ‘aging gracefully’ and being happy in the later years.

So in light of all of the talk here about aging, and to prove that I do not look any better than my ex husband’s new babe, I thought it might be fitting to use include the picture used in the article.

I hope you like it. But remember … Life’s too short not to laugh at yourself.

Like the L’Oreal commercial used to say, “Don’t Hate Me Cause I’m Beautiful.’


Obviously this isn’t my real picture, but life can be this ridiculous at times.



Chorus

If you want to be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife
So for my personal point of view, pick an ugly girl to marry you
If you want to be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife
So for my personal point of view, pick an ugly girl to marry you

Verse I

A pretty woman makes her husband look small, and very often causes his downfall
As soon as he marries her and then she starts to do the things that will break his heart
But if you make an ugly woman your wife, you’ll be happy for the rest of your life
An ug-a-ly woman cooks meals on time, and she’ll always give you peace of mind

Verse 2

Don’t let you friends say that have no taste ~ go ahead and marry anyway
Though her face is ugly, her eyes don’t match ~ take it from me, she’s a better catch

Chorus 

If you want to be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife
So for my personal point of view, pick an ugly girl to marry you
If you want to be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife
So for my personal point of view, pick an ugly girl to marry you

Say man!
Hey baby!
I saw your wife the other day!
Yeah?
Yeah, an’ she’s ugly!
Yeah, she’s ugly, but she sure can cook, baby!
Yeah, alright!

Chorus 2

If you want to be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife
So for my personal point of view, pick an ugly girl to marry you
If you want to be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife
So for my personal point of view, pick an ugly girl to marry you

INgrooves (on behalf of Backtracks Records); BMI – Broadcast Music Inc., and 20 Music Rights Societies